Thursday, November 16, 2006
mood: PMS-ing
music: Pretty Vacant- Sex Pistols
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I hope you people have floatation devices because you might just drown in the estrogen content of the following post... Yes, it is that time of the month... Even though that is something you most likely didn't want to know, I have decided to impose that unpleasant knowledge upon you... Since you're here, then that means you've surrendered just a bit of yourself to me, slave... And because I feel just a tad sadistic as of now, you, my slave of the moment, will have to bear the torturous burden of joining me in my feminine moments... Free sanitary napkins for all..! *evil laugh*
To start things off, crap... My tagboard's busted... Well, it has been for one or two months, I guess... I just never get around to doing anything about it... But still, crap...
The keyboard is being pissy again... The 'n' key is giving me a hard time... Curse it...
My writing skills have yet to resurrect... If I plan to continue being a Literature (*ahem* litracher) major, then I need them back... My creative efforts have been futile lately, and all else I have to represent my writing is this blog, which seems to take the persona of Anna Nicole Smith getting high on UST whiteboard markers... Drama, stupidity, randomness and stuff of little importance... The sad thing is, although I realize this, I can't seem to drag my self out of this literary standstill and find myself stuck in the realm of pointless adolescent blogging... Where is the spirit of the Purple Inkblots..?
I'm craving a Starbucks vanilla frap... I have yet to jump on the "hate-Starbucks-because-it's-commercialization's-dirty-pimp" bandwagon... I know their coffee is overpriced and that it probably has more branches than there are schools in Africa, but I don't care as long as there's no hair in my whipped cream... For the bashers who diss Starbucks for its commercialism, I dare you to answer how many days in a week you go to the mall... Tell me you don't get trampled Christmas shopping, that you've never gotten depressed because no one got you a present, or even greeted you on your birthday or that you've never listened to sappy songs on Valentine's Day... Screw yourselves over, hypocrites...
Going back to the frap, it was in one of Starbucks' cushy chairs that I revealed a small worry of mine to my FU trooper, MJ... She answered me with a furrowed brow when I asked her how old Kris Aquino was when Ninoy got injected with Marcos moolah died for the Filipino people... (She was 12, according to my subsequent research, but I didn't know that at the time...) MJ asked what the hell that had to do with anything, when I admitted that I've been thinking about it for a while... It would be especially terrible since my late daddy cringed at the sight (well, the sound, mostly) of Kris... I was 13 going on 14 when I lost my father, and I've been worried that I might turn into a Kris... *gasp*gasp*shock*shock* You know, with the man-issues and all, since the lack of a prominent male figure in my life will likely have long-term effects on how I relate with the male species... I've never really had a "close" relationship with any guys... I can't really name a really good male friend of mine... I do have guy pals, I suppose, but no one I can consider my best guy friend... I can probably determine which dude I consider closest to me, but most likely, I'd be "just another one of his friends"... Everyone else seems to have an opposite gender bestfriend, but all I have are casual conversations and random teasing... It just makes me feel... Different...
And then of course, there's the issue of romantic relations...
Nope... No progress in that area... Sure, I get the occassional reassurance that I'm not some kind of revolting radioactive mutant, but the leers are more of a discomfort than a compliment... Now, I've always made it a point to tell myself that I don't need someone else (i.e. a man) to be the measurement of my happiness... But there are times, especially now, when I feel, not exactly loveless or lonely, but... Longing..? I don't even want to waste the brain cells needed to think of more to add to this topic...
Another Kris-esque thing I've been worrying about is going after older men, in search for a proxy-father figure of sorts... I admit that I am attracted to peeps of greater age than I, something which has apparentely gotten worse as of late...
Now the next paragraph/s will try to make light of what the above two paragraphs flop at saying about my situation...
Right now, I feel rather behind in the love department... MJ's making some sort of progress, Dinxy's always got guys fawning over her, Omi's loved and in love (but she's in a complex situation, too), Molly's advancing in the scene, Charmy has herself a pursuer whom I suppose she's equally smitten with (plus they have certain parallelisms with the Archangel era), Allianna is in her third relationship (my tomboyish cousin has better luck in love than I do) and hell, even he-who-does-not-comb-his-hair looks like he's goshdarn happy with she-who-had-come-between-us... Especially after seeing that last mention (Literally, in fact... I passed right by the hand-holding couple just yesterday along the Grand Stand...) I just feel... Out of place... And that's just one of the worst feelings I know... What makes it worse is that I keep on hunting prospects, for "panakip-butas" purposes, I guess, but even though I crush pretty hard on a few, they're still no match for my former object of affection... Worse still, one of my prospects is my professor in history and my main crush as of the moment is our PGC professor who is one of the cutest things ever... He's... Immaculate... *_* So there's the older men element...
And now I'm disoriented 'cause Mayam called and reminded me of all the schoolwork I've yet to do... Hahaha... A portion of my angst has dispersed... Maybe because much of our conversation was about certain *aspects* of PGC... XD
My PMS is settling down now as I think of something to complain about... Damn it..! I'll just complain because I can't remember what I was supposed to complain about... Grr... I had something in mind to bitch about but I can't remember for the life of me... Hmm... It was in my mind... But then Mayam called and we talked about Sir PGC... I forgot what I was going to nag about, which was in my mind after we talked about Sir PGC... Therefore, Sir PGC makes me lose my mind... Logic..? Would anyone care to verify my syllogism..?
I've just noticed that the flow of this entry is horrendous non-existent... The transition between paragraphs is shaaameful...
My mom's cellphone is ringing with her incredibly loud "Dahil Ikaw" ringtone... That has to be one of the most overplayed songs of the year... But it's still an improvement over the Cueshe "Back to Me" ringtone... I nearly bled to death from my ears...
I still can't believe that I go gaga over the thought of a guy... No matter how utterly mesmerizing he is, it still doesn't give justification for how pathetic it is to slip off my trail of thought because of him... Especially considering who he farkin' is...
I still can't remember what I was complaining about not remembering...
The 'n' key is still challenging me... NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnn..!!! Ulol ka..!!!
Hehe... PMS's back... ^_^
